I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
