I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
