im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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