We won't sleep together?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sober January is a disaster.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
