I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
