you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
