Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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