In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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