The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
