so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
