does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
