It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
