K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
