the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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