My liver just broke up with me...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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