Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
