Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
