i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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