All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
