Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
