her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
