just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
