a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
