i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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