Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come

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(512): View more from Texas

We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.

Fav 10 1497 1954
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.

Fav 10 3131 1201
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.

Fav 4 1572 1145
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(712): View more from Iowa

But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today

Fav 4 746 1534
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(949): View more from California

Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.

Fav 3 2679 953
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(601): View more from Mississippi

The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently

Fav 1 517 850
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(802): View more from Vermont

Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.

Fav 1 104 64
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(765): View more from Indiana

I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro

Fav 0 29 38
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