trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
