I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
