Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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