the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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