I wish I could teleport
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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