Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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