He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
