u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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