Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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