Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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