if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
