There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The struggles of a small town man whore
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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