I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
