Your face is a jimmy john
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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