Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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