how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
