doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
