I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
