I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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