The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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