Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
accomplished twins. life is a go
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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