Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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