Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
