Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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