He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
