I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Who died my cat blue again?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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