I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
