Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
