I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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