i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
